


Five things you know and the one you don't (until you do)

by kittymannequin



Series: Korrasami Base [10]
Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Asami's POV, Behind the Scenes, Canon Compliant, F/F, Fluff and Angst, POV Second Person, Valentine's Day Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 06:50:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5995627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittymannequin/pseuds/kittymannequin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asami knows five things, and she knows them really well. The sixth one she'll find out about, eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five things you know and the one you don't (until you do)

_ First.  _

_ She touches you and you light on fire. Your wrist blazes where her fingers meet your skin. The burns don’t show, but it’s hard to breathe with ash in your lungs. It’s so hard to breathe. You’re suffocating daily. _

* * *

 

You’re not really sure what you were thinking.

You should have known better, should have been better prepared. You should have held her tighter in your arms but you were too afraid, too self-absorbed. You let your feelings overwhelm you and it distracted you too much from your goal.

This shouldn’t have happened.  _ You  _ were supposed to protect her. She was right there, in your arms, and all it did was get her locked up. 

It was your only job, and you failed. You failed and now you’re both prisoners, and you be damned if you know what they’re going to do to you. Or even worse, to  _ her. _

You’re trying to make sense of it all, trying to get your strength, your spirit back together but you can’t - not with her all chained up like that. You should have tried better, should have done better. 

But you didn’t. You had no strength, no power over anything. Despite all your training, everything you’ve ever learned, you still couldn’t protect her. 

You tug on your own chains just as begins to stir back to consciousness. Her eyes snap open, those wonderful, beautiful blue eyes now full of fear and despair and, and… anger, as realization dawns on her. She tugs on her restraints and her voice is muffled by the leather pulled over her face when she shouts out.

“Zaheer!” She screams, “You tricked me! Let me go!” Korra shouts again and her eyes widen as she tugs on her restraints once more but to no avail. That’s when she turns to you and you can barely muster enough courage to meet her gaze. You’ve never felt more ashamed. “Asami! Are you okay?” 

Her eyes are fierce but nothing compared to seconds ago. She’s got nothing but compassion for you and it tears you apart even more to see her care so much for you when she’s chained up and so,  _ so  _ fragile… It breaks your heart to know she’d do just about anything for you and yet you couldn’t even protect her for longer than five minutes.

Korra’s eyes are searching yours when she speaks again. “Where’s the rest of the Red Lotus?” 

That finally stirs your from your self-loathing. “What’s the Red Lotus?” You ask her, confusion taking over. But you manage to hold her gaze a little longer, knowing that you need to explain what happened. It’s the least you can do after everything that Korra’s been through. “Zaheer didn’t capture us, the Earth Queen’s forces did.” The words tumble over your lips with a rush and your shoulders slump under their weight. You let it sink in again. 

“Where are we?” Korra asks and you note the confusion in her voice.

“I’m not sure.” You answer, without raising your head this time. You can’t face her. It hurts too much. “Some camp by the desert?” You wonder aloud and glance away from her and towards the door, staring through the small hatch. “They’re taking us back to Ba Sing Se.” 

Korra doesn’t say a word until hours later, when you’re both boarding the airship. She shouts and yells at the captain and the guards, but they don’t care. 

You do, but what good is it? 

But then you realize something you’ve almost forgotten. 

You’re Asami Sato. Resourceful, intelligent, witty. You can think your way out of this, you can still protect her. So you talk, and you persuade the guard to lock you up to the railing. And he does, and boy was that a mistake. 

Soon enough, you’re springing free out of it and Korra’s eyes widen when you twirl the metal in your hands. You swear you see a hint of a smile even through the cloth pulled over her face. 

Minutes later, you’re scrambling through the ship’s interior and she’s yelling for the guard. And then he’s lying face down in front of the door and you’ve got your hands out of the chains. 

You approach her, proudly, because  _ you’ve _ done this,  _ you’re _ going to protect her, like you know you should have.  _ Could have _ . 

You will now. 

But before you leave the room, she catches you off guard when her fingertips graze over your shoulder and you feel the pressure of her palm brushing against your skin. It’s so light, so feathery, so barely there but - spirits does it drive you insane. 

“Nice work” She says, her expression serious but her eyes tell you there’s so much more underneath it all. “Now let’s take control of this ship.” 

You wish her touch didn’t stir such a fire in you but you can’t fight it. You can’t fight her, and you most certainly can’t fight your feelings. They’re so strong that it takes you a while to realize you’d been holding your breath. For a moment you wonder why but then you remember - it hurts to breathe when she’s around. It hurts because with each breath that you take, you want to let it all out but - it’s not the time. There never is time. But there will be, some day. 

You know the flicker in your body will become a full blown flame by the time this is all over, but you don’t care. You let it take over. 

You’d rather burn out in her fire than be without it.

* * *

 

_ Second.  _

_ It hurts to watch her. She shines. She’s brighter than the sun, she’s too beautiful for your eyes. it’s hard to look at her. It’s even harder to look away from her. You’re going blind. _

* * *

 

Sometimes you wonder if it’ll ever be over. 

The fighting, the running, all the chaos around you - it seems like it’s all been a constant in your life ever since you’ve known Korra. But despite it all, you know you’d never change any of it. When you wonder what your world would look like without her in it, your heart clenches in pain.

No matter how peaceful it might have been, no matter how happy you would have been, it could never measure up to this. 

Not when she’s here, not while she’s breathing and you get to see her. 

And you don’t think there’ll ever be anything as beautiful in your life as the sight of her. If there was a way to slow time whenever she’s around, you’d do it, just so you could stare at her endlessly and take in the beauty that is within and around her. The beauty that is Korra. 

It’s not about the way she looks, really. It is a plus, of course, who wouldn’t like to stare at her for hours, right? 

It’s the things you know about her that make you sigh in awe whenever you catch her passing by and she flashes you that wonderful smile. It’s the way her hair flows in the breezy and the way her skin shines when she’s running through her forms and doing her exercises. 

But it hurts, sometimes. It hurts to stare at her because you’re not sure you’ll ever have enough courage to do more than that. And right now, you wish you did. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Korra speaks and you, along with everyone else present, turn around to face her. Her voice is low and dejected, you know she’s scared. You know her enough to feel it. You’ve heard it before. She knows what she must do, you all know it, and it scares you to death. You don’t want to lose her, you can’t. “None of these ideas will work.” Her back is turned to all of you and she’s staring outside the window. You wish you could just rush over to her and wrap her in your arms until the world around you makes itself right again. But nothing’s that simple. You can’t, not yet. 

She turns around and you know what she’s going to say. 

“Then I think you’ll agree. The only plan that’ll work is for me to give myself up.” She’s too brave for her own good, too compassionate, too… Korra. 

They all jump at her, and you understand them perfectly. You want to yell as well, you want to shout and scream and you want to make Zaheer and the Red Lotus disappear, you want to change the past and the future so she doesn’t have to do this. But it’s not up to you and she’s already made her decision. “I have to do this.” 

You couldn’t stop the words that escape you even if you tried. “You can’t expect us to sit by and just let Zaheer take you.” You want to vault over the damned table and shake her shoulders until she realizes just how much the world needs her. How much  _ you _ need her. 

“The world has been out of balance for far too long.” Her eyes are weary and sad and you see how all of it is tearing her apart.

When she leaves the room to radio Zaheer and tell him that she’s going to give herself up, you don’t rush after her, despite the fact that your heart has left the room with her. You wish you had run after her. 

Hours later, you’d give everything to have run after her. 

You watch her up there, in the sky, fighting, hurting, dying. Battling to save everyone, even at the cost of her own life. When she finally falls down, you take a step forward but you’re still not brave enough to take a few more steps and catch her. 

Her father does and that heart that’s been with her all this time, now throbs in your chest, clenching in anguish because she’s… Korra’s… You’ve never seen her this broken. Physically. 

Days later, she’s broken in more than one way and, when you’re pushing her wheelchair down the dock and towards the large ship, you’re wondering if she’ll ever be different in your eyes. Because even in the state she is in, she’s still the beacon that she’s always been to you. 

Beautiful in all the ways you can think of. 

You offer to go with her, to be there with her. You finally find the courage you needed all those times before. But it’s not the courage she needs right now. 

When she says it’ll be a couple of weeks, deep down you know it’s a lie, even though you’re trying to convince yourself otherwise. You squeeze her shoulder and she tilts her head to look at you and maybe,  _ just maybe _ , you hope, she knows the things you want her to know.  Maybe. _   
_

* * *

 

_ Third.  _

_ Your ears are tuned to her voice. You could pick her out in a sea of thousands. Her voice makes pretty singers who sing pretty songs sound dull. Her voice makes everything else sound ugly. _ _   
_

* * *

 

The magazine in your hands isn’t really enough of a distraction as you thought it’d be. But you need your head clear. You need to not overthink this. You’ve had plenty of time to think about everything that’s happened in your life so far, and the past few years have been nothing like the dreams you’ve always had of your life. You think you’re all good now, and the anger you’ve pushed back should be gone, that you’ve got it all figured out and your thoughts and feelings are finally safe and secure in the shell that you’ve been creating for a while. But then you catch movement from the side of your eye and your gaze flickers just as you hear a voice you’d recognize anywhere, any time.

“I hope you haven’t been waiting long.” 

A lifetime. 

That is how long it took the universe to conspire and bring her to you, you figure. Yes, she’s only been gone three years but sometimes you think you’ve waited your whole life for her to come along.

You spring up from the couch and rush to meet her, words slipping over your lips. “Only three years.” You try to conceal the way your breath hitches in your throat when your arms slide around her shoulders and somehow your voice doesn’t crack, but when she doesn’t hesitate even a second to hug you back, it takes all you’ve got not to melt in her arms.

You linger, and for a moment, and you think she does to. You feel her bury her nose in your shoulder and take a short breath, and it makes your heart skip a beat. But not yet. She’s back and you have time. You’ve waited this long, you’ll wait a little longer to tell her. Instead you tell her how good it is to see her again and she smiles the warmest, softest smile she’s ever given you when she says ‘you too’.

When you finally pull back enough to take a good look at her, the warmth in your body becomes almost unbearable. She’s as you remember her, strong and fit, but there’s an air around her, the way she holds herself, that makes your heart beat a little faster. And she’s cut her hair - spirits - you don’t know whether to keep staring or to look away but you know her cheeks redden when you tell her how much you love it. And you really,  _ really  _ love it. Spirits know it’s making your head spin a little how good it looks on her. 

You take her to the restaurant where you’re meeting Mako but it doesn’t exactly go as planned. Things have a way of not going according to plan when it comes to Korra, but mostly you just find it endearing. 

This time though, it’s anything but endearing. It’s frustrating and annoying and loud and the three of you end up fighting because - you can’t hold it in. Your feelings are too strong, and Mako’s not making it easier. And then he finds out Korra’s written to you and it only makes things worse because - she hasn’t written to them. 

Deep down it makes you a little happy but you feel bad nonetheless. 

But then things take another wrong turn and somehow you end up chasing bad guys around the city. But in all the commotion and chaos, all you can think is how much you’ve missed it. How much you’ve missed her. 

And how great it is to have her back.

And it really is her. She’s strong again. And wiser, faster, more… herself. She’s shouting, jumping around, leading you towards the damned prince that got himself kidnapped and you know you’d listen to whatever she says because you trust her. You’d always trust her. 

There’s something in her voice. In the way she says things, the way her thoughts come out as strength and faith. 

You’ve been to concerts in your lifetime. To shows and bending matches and you’ve seen movers. You’ve met all kinds of people and you’ve heard all kinds of things but none of it, none of them have ever made your eyes spark with joy.

No sound, no voice could ever catch your attention quite as Korra’s. 

It’s always been Korra.

* * *

 

_ Fourth.  _

_ The color of her eyes is blue enough to drown in. She is turning you into a clichéd love-wrecked being. You’re drowning, always sinking. Down, down, down. _ _   
_

* * *

 

You never thought you’d get to feel this way. 

Love was always a bit of a foreign concept, no matter how much people around you tried. Your father was… nothing he could have been. And your mother… you wish you could have at least said goodbye to that love. 

Mako really tried but the two of you… it could never have worked. Not when she came around. Not when she spun his world and then took yours. 

Not when she became your world.

She’s gotten so much better. 

The old Korra and the new one - a stronger, healed Korra. 

Her wounds are still there, you know, underneath the surface. If you dared, you’d trace your fingers over her skin and you’re sure you’d feel the scars etched underneath it. But it’s not your place to feel them, to share them. Not yet, at least.

You’re there for her though. You’re so close to her, and sometimes you think all you need to do is extend your hand and she’ll take it with a smile and all that is your world will finally be as it should. 

As you make your way towards the gazebo, your hands are trembling around the warm cup you’re holding in them. It’s all you can do to make her feel a little better, to try and bring that wonderful smile back to her face, even though you know the worst is yet to come. But you’ll try your best.

You shouldn’t have looked up though. 

She’s sitting on the railing, beautiful and in all her glory and it takes your breath away. It makes you a little dizzy, and suddenly you’re feeling weak at the knees. But you still approach her. 

All you really want is to be near her. 

“I brought you some tea.” You say as she turns to look at you and spirits.  _ Spirits _ …

Red has always been your favourite colour. Purple followed. Green. Yellow. Anything but blue. 

Somehow blue always felt cold. Empty and too vast. 

But when your eyes settle on hers and you take in the clearness of them, that warmest, most brilliant blue gaze you’ve ever seen makes the sunrise behind her seem completely bland. You never thought blue would be your favourite colour but as you stare into those eyes that seem to pierce straight into your soul, you know you’ll always look for that shade wherever you go. 

And you know you’ll always find it, anywhere you might be.

“You’re so sweet,” She says as she hops down and steps closer to you. She reaches for the cup and her fingers brush over yours. “Thanks.” Her words are warm, so are her fingertips but you’re sure your own are blazing by now. 

But you’re entranced by her eyes, trapped in the waves of blue and you’re not really sure you ever want to leave that prison. You don’t even call it a prison. It’s more of an oasis, really. 

She looks a little distant and you can’t not ask. “Are you okay?” You almost reach out, but settle your hand on the railing, unsure of yourself. “You seem out of sorts.” 

When she tells you what’s bothering her, you decide you’ll always fight to make her understand that she is nothing short of wonderful. Even if takes a lifetime, you’ll tell her over and over again how she is enough. How everything she’s done in her life, she’s done to protect someone, to help others and how you admire that more than anything.

You’ll try and let her know how nothing in the world could ever compare to the goodness of her heart. Because try as you may, you’re not sure you’ll ever come across anyone as pure and as beautiful as she is. 

Maybe one day you’ll get to stay in that oasis forever. Maybe you’ll get to fall asleep next to it and wake up with the sight of it being the first thing you see. It sure would be a nice way to live.

* * *

 

_ Fifth.  _

_ You know her. You love her. Through a thousand lifetimes, across millions of stars, you’d find her, you’d never leave her. You love her, till death do you part. _

* * *

 

When the blinding purple light takes over the city, your heart is already beating so fast that you can’t help but wonder how it still hasn’t burst in your chest. You’re not exactly sure how you’re alive because - you’ve just lost so much.

Your father, your only family, is gone. And despite the fact that you know you’ll always have a place on Air Temple Island, that Mako and Bolin consider you their family, you know that deep down, you’re all alone now. 

But selfishly, you push those thoughts away. You don’t let yourself cry. You can’t, not when… Not until you know she’s safe. Not until you’ve run to the centre of the purple light and your eyes get to settle on her blue ones and you know that you’ll have her to come back to after this day is finally over. Not until  _ she _ comes back to you.

So you hide until it passes over and then you run faster than you’d ever run in your life, you jump across all the rubble, kick your shoulder a couple of times because you’re distracted and scared and you  _ need  _ to know she’s alright but the pain means nothing and your legs seem to carry you better than you’re managing to carry yourself. 

By the time you reach the centre of the park, where the purple light started, everyone’s already there, searching, shouting, fearing the worst. You can feel it in their voices, see it in the way their eyes are scanning the area. There’s a giant spirit portal in the middle and you don’t really know what to think of it, but right now, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is Korra.

You call out her name just like the rest of them, hoping that no matter how far she might be, she can hear you. You need her to hear you because… Because you need her. You’ve known it for a while and you’re done telling yourself otherwise.

So what if you need someone to the point of breaking down? So what if she means the world to you? She  _ is _ your world and you refuse to give it up, to give  _ her _ up! You’ll never. 

And that’s when you feel it. That little glimmer of hope sparks up into a flame in your heart and something - love, you think in that moment - makes you turn your head around just as she’s walking out of the light of the spirit portal with the Great Uniter in her arms. 

She’s not even fully out of it when her eyes immediately settle on your own and in that moment, you realize everything. You know.

It was love. It  _ is _ love. 

You love her. 

You need her.

You’re ready to give her everything and hopefully, she’ll give you herself in return. Maybe you’ll get to soothe her pain, brush your fingers through her hair as you tell her how much she means to you, maybe you’ll get to caress her skin and learn of every scar she carries while you tell her how much you’ve loved her, and how long she’s been your world. 

When Su and Lin take Kuvira away from her and everyone rushes in to pull her into their embrace, she doesn’t shy away from them but then you’re walking towards her and you slither your way around everyone and somehow, through fate you guess, you’re right next to her and her arm slides down to your waist and you know it’s meant to be there because it fits perfectly.

She’s smiling, laughing and talking and - you love her.

You love her so much. _   
_

* * *

 

_ ( Sixth.  _

_ She loves you, too. ) _

* * *

 

It hurts.

You’ve finally let everything settle in and by the time you realize what you’ve lost, you’re too vulnerable, too easy a target. 

Grief overcomes you easily and you spend nights crying into your pillow because it’s hard. It’s so hard to let go. But then you realize you need to, if you ever want to move forward again. 

You tell your father goodbye through your tears, and everyone holds you close. They share your pain, and you know it. It means so much to you.

Days later, you get to smile again. 

Varrick and Zhu-Li’s wedding is the event to be at and your heart can’t seem to calm down over the fact that whoever made the seating arrangements, made them absolutely wonderfully.

Korra’s seated next to you and at moments, you feel her knee brush against yours and it sends little tremors through your body. A couple of times you’re certain you catch a bit of redness on her cheeks but you don’t want to assume. You do hope, however.

But then you tell yourself it’s now or never.

So you follow her out and you venture into the unknown, even though it feels so familiar that you don’t really worry so much.

Tenzin runs past you as soon as you tell him about Varrick and the glider suits, but you somehow have a feeling Varrick just made that up. You’re thankful, nonetheless, because Korra asks you to sit with her for a while and you finally get to be alone with her. After all this time.

And then the nerves strike. And you shudder and tense, wringing your hands together.

Then she’s apologizing and your heart clenches at her words because - she doesn’t have to apologize. It wasn’t her fault. It never was.

Your hand rushes to hers before you can stop herself and the flood is imminent. 

“You don’t need to apologize for anything.” She turns to look at you and the blue in her eyes makes you smile immediately. “I’m just… so happy you’re here now.” You say with a smile but it fades the second you remember what you’ve already lost and how much you could have lost, if she… “I don’t think I could have handled losing  _ you _ and my father, in the same day.” You all but hug yourself at your own words because the pain in them sinks in and it’s almost enough to drown in it. Tears prickle at the corners of your eyes and you wipe them away before they can fall, you hear Korra saying something but you’re not really sure what.

But then there’s warmth everywhere around you, her scent, her arms, her, everywhere, as she wraps you in her embrace and you wish you could stay there forever. You remember your father once more but you’ve no regrets. Grief… you’ll get through it. She’s here and right now, it’s all that matters. 

Her fingers are so close to your own, and she doesn’t want to go back, not just yet, so you sit back and enjoy her presence. It’s soothing, relaxing even, and you’re reminded that you really do need to relax after everything you’ve been through.

“Honestly, after everything that’s happened in the past few months, I could use a vacation.” You really are tired and the thought of being somewhere where you can just lie back and not do anything for a little while makes you smile.

She speaks again and the words kind of catch you off guard.

“Let’s do it!” She perks up, smiles and looks at you. “Let’s go on a vacation.” You’re staring at her and you want to say something but she continues before you can even open your mouth. “Just the two of us. Anywhere you want.” 

In that moment, you begin to understand what she means. Your heart is thundering in your chest and the edges of your eyes are a little blurry but you’re pretty sure it’s because she’s so close. And because she just told you what you’ve been wanting to hear for years now. More or less.

“Really?” You look at her in confusion, still trying to make sense of it all. You need something more, some sort of confirmation that what she is feeling is as close or exactly what you are feeling. “Okay…” You take a moment to think and then it springs to mind. “I’ve always wanted to see what the Spirit World’s like.” You smile with the words and if your heart hasn’t burst by now, when her eyes light up, you’re certain it will. 

But then she smiles at you brightly and you’re still breathing so you guess you’ll get to live another day. 

“Sounds perfect.” She says and after that it’s all a little hazy. But somehow, with those words, it’s all really clear. It’s the words you need and you know you’ll be alright.

So when you’re walking towards the Spirit portal hours later with your backpack on your shoulders and Korra by your side, you know it’s as it should be. You know you’ve got everything you could ever want and more. 

Because she takes your hand in her own and you step into the light of the portal, she smiles at you with her warm eyes and beautiful lips and yes. This is it.

You’ve got her. She’s yours. 

Just as much as you are hers.

But you’ll wait till you’re on the other side to tell her that.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day to those who celebrate and to those who do not, happy Sunday! 
> 
> In any case, I hope you enjoyed this relatively canon-compliant oneshot of mine. It's something I don't usually do - write in canon - and I wrote 'relatively' because this is Asami's POV as - I - see it and well, that's not something that is canon. But everything else in the story, as you could have noticed, is. So yeah, relatively canon :D Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!


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